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Jan. 18th, 2008

S,

i'm sorry that i left. i know he was always so scared that i would, and i finally did. it was too damn hard to pretend to be that strong all the time. i know you understand and that's why i'll always love you - you were the first person to ever really understand me, my first real best friend. it hurt me more than you know that you weren't surprised that night, and that you didn't even talk to us. all we wanted to do was show you how much we cared.

i'm not really sure where life is taking me right now. i'm in love with someone you never approved of, but never had the courage to just tell me that up front. but, i'm at a point now where i won't allow myself to love him, so my life is filled with petty lusts. i don't want to go back to that girl i was in eighth grade. i don't really have a best friend anymore. not one like you, anyway. one that will sit in the sand with me and talk about life. one that won't make fun of me for not wanting to step on the slimy rocks, but will do it just to show me how there's really nothing to it.

i miss you. this isn't a falling out, even though i know you think it is. this is me trying to become me. i followed in your footsteps for just a little too long. i could never be as good at soccer, or as good at making people laugh, or as determined to get everything possible out of life. i got a little too jealous of not being regarded as a sister, even when you were so quick to call her by that name.

anyone who doesn't accept you, doesn't know you. i'm sorry that you let me in and i wasn't able to keep us strong. i'm sorry that i lost your trust. but you'll never lose me, and i'll never lose you.

Apr. 17th, 2007

NewNewNew

Add me over there

 

thesinsmiles

 

Give me peace to dwell her wings

I HATE THE PERSON I BECOME AROUND YOU.

That's like, I was watching the I Love New York Reunion last night, and Tango, who had proposed to New York said: "I love Tiffany. I proposed to Tiffany. But I got New York."

Apr. 16th, 2007

"This is the life of a go-getta"

It both amazes me and depresses me, how much things have changed.


Gram Ruth in Ohio


Gram Ruth's nephew who just died..




Papa and I <3


Nana and I


Papa, Nana, Dad and Alycia, Karen (Dad's ex girlfriend.. Alycia is her daughter) and I, Sean and Julie


Long, dark chocolate hair :(

Aspects of life they confuse me, You and your thesis amuse me

I decided I'm going to keep growing out my hair until it's really long and dye it a more reddish darker brown.



Bear with me and pretend she's not doing what we all know she's doing. Her hair is gorgeous and that is what I'm growing mine out to be. Except, not that color. The whole black hair thing left me completely lost as to what to do make-up wise and it made me look sooo pale. Plus, I'm a true brunette, always.
Tags:

I've seen too many movies to believe this would happen to me, she said.

I was supposed to have softball games on Tuesday and Wednesday against Natick and then after that, no games or practices until Sunday at 4. Now both of those games got postponed until May 6th due to weather, so I have no practice or games until Sunday at 4. Needless to say I'm pretty pissed because I could be in Vegas right now. Even Texas. Anywhere but here. So now, May 5th are the SATs. We have a double header on May 6th. FABULOUS.

Well, then I'll spend this week relaxing and hopefully get to spend a lot of time with Alana. Eric said he wants to talk on the phone, so we'll see what happens. 

I was watching the Sunday night Disney movie on ABC Family channel with Genevieve last night, and one of the commercials during the movie said something to the effect of "Child molesters are everywhere out there, you need to protect your children from sexual predators." This commercial was on DURING A DISNEY MOVIE. Then today, I was standing in the kitchen talking to Julie and the girls were sitting at the table. The radio was on the regular mainstream station, and one of the commercials said "Sexual predators are a serious problem on the Cape and Islands. We need to stop the molesters." I turned the volume down right away (I'm such a mom already). Is it only me that thinks they shouldn't be airing these commercials on stations they KNOW young kids are watching/listening to? I'm sorry but I don't think a 6 year old should be asking me what a molester is.

Apr. 15th, 2007

What an amazing time, what a family

I am happy. So so happy.

Finally a family member is completely supportive of my decision to attend UNLV for college.

My papers for the Welfleet Audubon are in the mail.

And, it's April Vacation!

Life is good.

Apr. 8th, 2007

Happy Eastah!



Happy Easter!


ALL I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT LIFE
I LEARNED FROM THE EASTER BUNNY

Don't put all of your eggs in one basket
Walk softly and carry a big carrot
Everyone needs a friend who is all ears
There's no such thing as too much candy
All work and no play can make you a basket case
A cute little tail attracts a lot of attention
Everyone is entitled to a bad hare day
Let happy thoughts multiply like rabbits
Some body parts should be floppy
Keep your paws off other people's jellybeans
Good things come in small sugarcoated packages
The grass is always greener in someone else's basket
An Easter bonnet can tame even the wildest hare
To show your true colors you have to come out of your shell
The best things in life are still sweet and gooey

Apr. 7th, 2007

His eyes kind of went misty, he said "You can't find that here"



This song makes me cry everytime.

Apr. 6th, 2007

Life is about losing and finding happiness.

I can't wait to have kids and sit around the dinner table dye-ing Easter eggs. Then going out to the yard and have Easter egg hunts, with plastic eggs filled with sweets.

I miss being a kid.

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